I want too much

I will begin this post by saying Probably.

I will Probably not be able to do everything i want to do before i bite the dust. I want to do too much, I think. Maybe that is why I'm almost never home to be with my boyfriend; i work all the time to be able to do something, Anyting(!) , since everything cost money. Money I/we don't have, sadly. But we tell ourselves everyday; We WILL have a better life. Someday... Someday we will be able to go visit my family in the US, and the one on the island. We can't even afford doing that, and thats not even far away from where we live. For now, we have to settle with Alex's family. Nothing wrong with them, of course not. It's just not my own family. I am glad Alex's family is closer than my families. Because then Alex's doesn't have to miss them as much as i miss all of my family memebers. Sometimes it is really tough. The "missing" of them always hits me with the worst timing ever; At work mostly. I believe why that is, is because it is the time of a day I think and reflect the most. At the store it is because.. well frankly there is basically nothing there to do. I just stand there and if im lucky a costumer comes in so i can say hello to someone at least. And, at the dance studio because it remindes me of when i was younger. When my parents always took me to my dance classes. When i was the girl, standing in the middle, often times to the right of the teacher, trying my best to learn, trying my best to be the best. The girl who performed in every dance show she could get in to, because she loved it and her parents where there to cheer her on, to tell her they were proud of her. Every Time. Until she decided to move to the US for a year. I was that girl i see everytime I go to the studio to teach. I see her in so many different faces. It is my turn to find these girls to teach them everything i have to teach, and maybe someday they will become the dancer i wanted to be. The dancer who gets to go on stage and do her best, to be the best, and loves it. I still want to be that dancer. I want one more shot to be that dancer. Well, honestly i havent really had a shot of being her to begin with. After I graduated I was thrown in to be a dance teacher. It was not by choice, not at all.
Sure, i have all the basics to be a great teacher. I'm sure i could be great with what i've learned so far. The problem is that I Do Not Have Any Passion for teaching. I dont wanna do this... However, I Have A Great Passion for being the student. I love getting critic, because then i know what i should work on. If i am the teacher, i will not learn. I will not be/ever become the girl that tries her best, to be the best.


I guess what im trying to say it that i want to be able to do awsome airkicks before my leg gets chopped off.